Today is the first day of October! La primera de octubre. It's my birthday month. I purposely left off punctuation from the title because I'm not quite sure how I feel about this particular October yet.
I am usually not one to lament about getting older. It happens. I usually look forward to October. I really do love Fall and for me, it really doesn't start until October 1st.
This year however, is different. It will be my first birthday without Dad. All of the birthdays from our family that lived in this house have passed. Mine is the last one.
I already dread this. I've thought about it a couple of times. I know he would not want me to feel this way. To combat this, I will be taking little luxuries where I can as long as they are not to costly-monetarily or calorically.
This morning I had some coffee.
It wasn't to tasty on it's on, but I add my cinnamon creamer coffee and it is soooo good. BTW, I have noticed that others have also gotten a taste of the cinnamon creamer.
It is often the creamer that is sold out. What the heck??
I also had some pumpkin spice toast with a smear of cream cheese for breakfast. This bread is special to me because my daughter loves it as much as I do and we are both so excited to see it in the stores!
I'm turning 45 this year. Years ago, I had the idea of having a triple quinceneara. I never had one as a girl. This was an idea I had before the last year we endured. Now I can't stand the thought of having it without Dad there. I would miss that Father-Daughter dance.
When I turned 30, I was pregnant with my daughter. We had a little celebration at the company where my friends and family came over and we did some karaoke. I remember my friends sang "Like a Virgin" for me which was ironic since I was pregnant. Also, I was embarrassed that they were singing this in front of my parents. Good times, good times.
My daughter turns 15 next year. She doesn't want a quince. We are not Catholic so it won't be the traditional version, but I really want her and her dad to have that dance. And for her to wear a big puffy dress, have a reason to dance and have cake and coffee but that's it. It would have been nice for her Grandpa Garcia, or Grandpa Blue as we used to call him since he always wore his blue uniform shirts-even on the weekends, to be here for that.
Of course, I didn't know last year would be my last with Dad. We were at my brother's family house. Bernie and Ava had picked up a special hydrangea cake for me. My little family went out for the day. When we came home for the night, Dad said he had been waiting all day to cut into it. He loved breads and sweets. They sang to me. I got a picture of the cake and me with the cake. But not of him with me.
I wish, I wish, I wish.
Happy October! Here's another pic if Blaze the Bunny so we don't end on a sad note.